Its about being overtaken...

I have returned to a world which I know very little about. It "is" my world, of that much I am sure. I may not recognise it but during the course of time and natural observations and deductions the ill feeling I have been brooding about the last few weeks seems to stem from a source I had not comtemplated before.

Loss of life, love, one's existance, meaning and then combined those with the potential loss of a life long partner, seem to 'possibly' be the fountain of discontent. The fear of the unknown is limited to a notion rather than a full blown fear for the spiritually inclined and thus has little bearing on the current scenario. It is my deduction that when life starts slipping away from you your reactions and contentment with this world fade. Your regrets start catching up on you, you lash out at those around you. you lay blame at every opportunity and dont like what lays ahead, so the past gets dragged nearer. It is a focus point that you can explain away, or better yet it is reasonable to analyse and justify why you have lead the life you have.

But now looking forward is no longer enchanting or adventurous as it finally dawns on us that we all have to move on someday. Having more days left to live on this earth than you have already lived has always been better than having less days to live on this earth than you have already spent here. So the realisation sets in that maybe I have not finished living, or that there is so much I still wanted to do. I have still to get to this point. The other major factor is what, if anything do I leave behind. Is there anyone alive to achnowledge my passing? And if they do acknowledge, will my ego accept that they may not be so kind to me as I would wish them to be. And on top of all of this, not having the time, the strength or the ability to redeem or rectify my perception of the faults must be earth shattering.

Where to now? This begs to be answered and it is my humble opinion that the pangs of regret and the lost passions and drive that have desert one late in life are huge compared to the spirit that still roams the bodies corridors.

I take heart in the fact that we are not alone in this voyage and that billions of people have faced these same questions and billions after we have gone will also be pondering and deliberating these very questions... 'Food fo thought' is it not?

Regards Duncan