My Groove ...

I have found my ‘Groove’ again

I have spent years and years living on this really weird planet of ours and worked so hard for financial stability, driving nice cars, living in luxury and generally just trying to keep up with the ‘Jones’s’ that life has somewhat passed me by. Ooh don’t get me wrong I have been a part of it and yes enjoyed most of it but I have got to a cross roads in my life which started roughly three years ago. I had everything I had aspired for throughout my childhood and teenage years. You know everything that marked me as a ‘Made man’. (Or so I thought) Due to circumstance and a realization that I was overdoing it a bit I bought about certain changes to my lifestyle this I must add is after passing out from what I attribute to as an anxiety attack one summers afternoon. I woke up and found myself curled up under my desk at home one day dazed and shivering uncontrollably. Now I am not the type of guy to get sick or let anything get me down. I just soldier on, as my father did and as his father did. I can clearly hear their voices, “Don’t be a sissy, boy” and words which I am sure many of you will remember, “Grab life by the horns” I was under the mistaken impression that, that is just what I had been doing. Now I have been through my fair share of heartache and pain, from broken hearts to broken limbs, from a war that I did not understand but ‘did my duty’ to a relationship that crumbled in front of me for no apparent reason. I lost my daughters company at an early age but have managed to find her again, with sadly ten or so years lost to someone else as ‘Dad’. An icon or the epitome of a marriage which I looked up to as my personal goal, this too has disintegrated for reasons beyond my control or ability to understand and this has been the final straw so to speak for me. I truly believed in the “Love for life” concept. It may be naive in this day and age but I would rather believe in that than in the casual relationships and affairs that everyone keeps offering. There is a vast difference between the expression of love and the act of sexual intercourse. How the two of them match up is a subject for another day and possibly another author as I would hesitate to express my views on the matter.

So am I doomed to extinction? I think not. And the reasoning behind that is in my opinion as follows. I have shed my past life and ways to such an extent that I am really afraid that I have gone overboard. I gave up my very comfortable career which consisted of the three ‘to work for’ clauses, namely ‘Power’ ‘Money’ and a ‘Future’. I transferred every cent I had into my girlfriends account. I sold my motorcycle and two cars and left Cape Town with a bag of clothes and personal belongings. I bid farewell to my girlfriend of thirteen or fourteen years and hit the road. That is a bit harsh I hear you say, well truth be told it was the most difficult thing or sequence of events I have created and carried out in my life. Not that that lessens the burden of guilt, but there are so, so many factors involved and reasons that I could try and explain. It would however take up way too much time and frankly I tried and failed with the concept of rationalization, so all I am left with is an apology and a farewell wave to what was. I hit the road in a big way and borrowed money and time from people that had some to travel again. Selfish you might say but without a reason to “DO” the question and argument arises ‘why not?’

I went on a journey of re-discovery, you see many years ago I knew who I was and loved myself for knowing what it was I thought I wanted. And so now armed with a healthy dose of reality I set forth to discover the pleasures of this world and the vista’s that always beckon. Covering some forty eight thousand kilometers across America, and just using up over six months of my life I returned to re-align myself with the world. And guess what, I did indeed find myself. I discovered I was lost, in pain and bearing so many grudges that its pull alone held me stagnant. The same way a snake sheds its skin every season to emerge a shining, colorful and a more vibrant creature after the winter, I to shed my former life and emerged a peaceful soul. I have returned home a pauper, but my coffers are filled to the brim with treasures from a far off land. I pick out a lesson learned from that exploration daily and apply it to my current scenario of building a company, building a home and above all polishing my heart and soul back up to a brilliant shine. It is far from ready to show off and honestly thinking I do not find the need to show anything off any more. I have found my groove in life.

So yes I have got my “GROOVE” back.

And the amazing thing is that people listen to people who are content. They want to be a part of that aura of pleasure and excitement. They treat you differently, they smile at you, they greet you and ‘yes’ they do want to know how you are. And here I venture to proclaim and make a bold statement. It is in my opinion that…

“Happiness is a state of mind not a state of circumstance”

I cannot explain the relief I have found from just taking one day at a time in tune with whatever determines tomorrow. I have always claimed that “you are where you are in life through your own doing”

Well I am “Doing!”

I must also just add that I regret nothing I have done in the past and even though I swept people up into my ‘then’ life they too have gained and grown, in turn they too need to find their “Groove” and make it work for them. There was no intentional misleading or fabricated ideology but rather just what was.