How strange is it?

How strange it seems to be that when we envisage ourselves we are guided by wishes and certain desires. Or so it would appear on my recent self evaluation. We all have limits in every sphere of our lives that from an outsiders point of view seems to fall short of our own evaluation. As an example; I deem myself quite a thoughtful and conscientious type of guy. My ‘ex’ complained bitterly that I never noticed the world about me and hardly knew what day of the week it was let alone which month of the year.

My argument (when I still argued these matters) was why bother with what day it was if you did not need to know. Now my argument fell on deaf ears all around here, because every one knows it is ‘very’ important to know such matters. Or is it? Would I forget to get up? Would I love you any less? Or would I love you any differently on Wednesday versus Friday? I think not. Why clutter up your day planning the entire week or month ahead when a diary does the same thing. My staff would say they want a meeting next Thursday for example, I would pen this in my diary and promptly forget about it as I did not need to store that info. Come next Wednesday there is a reminder in my diary to prep for the meeting and – yes – on Thursday there would be a note in the diary regarding the meeting. There are of course natural reminders on any given day what and when the day of the week would remind you to check your diary.

Anyway what I am trying to get at here is I see myself in a certain light, and others view it through there experiences in life. No my question is

“How and why must we judge one another when we all see each other and ourselves differently?”

I am at the age where I am so tired of people judging and passing comment on matters about which they have in actual fact very little knowledge. My lifestyle, someone else’s lifestyle or mannerisms are no one else’s business unless they have a personal or financial interest in my lifestyle. Even then there is a respectful distance one should maintain in order not to insult or offend the other person.

Humans and from my experiences South Africans in particular have a tendency to criticize each other very quickly and this is all based initially entirely on prejudices that they have adopted from various different sources, and over a certain time frame. Now I know humans in general all conduct themselves in similar ways and attitudes and the conclusions or assessment of another human is entirely based on our own experiences and deductions.

So the question now reads as follows…

Why have we lost or in many cases never found that compassionate side of life where we assume goodness until proven otherwise? And yes you may say – I have learnt to be wary of so and so or yes I have experienced negativity in this sphere or area of my life and that is why I am like such.
People are fueled by certain emotions, needs and scenario’s in life, and in my view some of these are, Greed, Hunger, Boredom, Revenge, Love, Hate, Money to name a few. So when approaching life I assess what the motivation is behind people’s attitudes in order to better understand their motivating factors. Their core motivation always lands up being one main emotion that fuels the attitude. Once you understand this core motivator then the game or interaction becomes so much easier to handle and manage. An understanding of what drives people or a certain person in particular becomes so much clearer, that your relationship or interaction with them either blossoms or dies in a very short period of time. You are able to predict, or at least accurately guess what their approach is going to be in any scenario. Understanding their history, while being helpful is not essential to the process. Certain incidents are life changing but ultimately the core emotions still operate the mind and body and are thus the core issues so to speak.

Now even though I may be going out on a limb here, if you bring Karma into the scenario you immediately gain a better understanding and ultimately an acceptance of these individuals and personalities that define them. So it is my opinion that people are motivated by the already above mentioned emotions and if you scratch a little below the surface you will quite easily identify the core emotions and be in a better position to interact successfully.

Having said that, I think that humans’ biggest failing is that we do not give that other person the chance to expose those core emotions or motivators. We make up our mind within the first few seconds of meeting. Quite often we have made up our mind even prior to meeting the people in person. We have leant our ears out to gossip or other people’s perceptions. Or we assess their clothing, vehicle, behavior or choice of restaurant or occupation as that determining factor. How often in life have you heard something about a friend of a friend and after meeting them, you discover they are quite different. How often does a colleague at work criticize someone you both work with and you are surprised by their opinion? Fair to say this does happen quite often and this is precisely what I am getting at.

Give everyone you meet the opportunity to express themselves. They have an opinion, they have concerns, they to have knowledge and experience, so even though their core motivators may be different to yours they should at least be given the chance to express them prior to you accepting or dismissing them. These are equally important, when considering an acceptance or rejection of friendship. Realise that the core motivators are definite indicators and in my experience at least ninety percent of the time correct when judging the character of another human being. Because, that is what we should be doing assessing character, rather than social standing or any of the various other criteria.

So it is in my humble opinion, that we need to take a time out to listen, and more importantly hear what the other people are saying when they speak and realise that we did not all have the same parents or upbringing or education for that matter. Identify the core motivator and handle them according to your very own set of criteria. Your criteria are set according to your wishes, just as I set my criteria or tolerance levels according to my personal tastes.

So, for me the bottom line here is as follows…

a) Be generous when dealing with people, generous in time, opinion and above all attitude.
b) Listen when dealing or interacting with people, and try to understand their needs rather than pursuing yours.
c) Treat everyone with respect, as if they were the most respected entity you know.
d) Base your conclusions on your own experiences after a fair amount of time has elapsed.
e) Do not share your opinions regarding people with others, but rather let them make up their own minds.
f) Avoid conflict at all times, especially when dealing with loved ones, express your views if they are really important to you and then simply move on.
g) Last but not least, accept that the world does not always revolve around you and that we need to share more than receive.




Quote;
It takes a simple man less time to realise the truth than it does a learned man.

Duncan B Taylor.
31/12/2007